No, friend, I'm not going to prescribe you Ambien

"Hey, I know we haven't talked in a while, but I just thought I'd call to catch up."

"Oh. Okay. I guess. I didn't even know you still had my number."

"I got it from [mutual friend]."

"Oh. Okay. Great. What's up?"

"I don't know. Not much. You're still doing the whole doctor thing, right?"

"Yep. Third year of residency. Almost done."

"Great. So you already have a medical license and everything."

"Yes. That is something I have. You're still at the bank?"

"No, no, haven't been there for about a year. I got, uh, I decided to do something else."

"Cool. You hated that job, right? So what are you doing now?"

"I'm in between, uh, still figuring it out."

"Okay, well, cool. I guess."

"Yeah, yeah. So, I was just thinking, you wouldn't happen to be able to prescribe me some Ambien, would you? I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping."

"Uh, you should talk to your regular doctor about that."

"I don't really have one. I just thought this might be easier."

"Easier, maybe. But I really can't. I'm not your doctor."

"But it's just a sleeping pill."

"I really don't feel comfortable. You should talk to a doctor, though."

"I don't really have insurance anymore."

"Free clinics..."

"Come on, what kind of doctors are working at free clinics?"

"Doctors like me. Residents. I think it'd be fine, especially if you're not working and can wait for a couple hours in a waiting room."

"Ugh. That sounds terrible. What if I pay you-- not like you're selling drugs or anything like that, but if I'd have to pay a doctor anyway, I may as well pay a friend what I'd pay."

"No. That's not something I'm comfortable with at all. I'm sorry-- have you thought about maybe talking to a psychologist, if you're having trouble sleeping? Maybe you're a little anxious, from the job search and everything?"

"I'm not crazy."

"I didn't say you were crazy. But sometimes therapy can help. Independent of any sort of sleeping pill or no sleeping pill. It might be something to look into. I can probably get you a recommendation."

"For free?"

"The recommendation? Sure. The therapist? Probably not, but they have a sliding scale, lots of them. I can ask around for someone who doesn't charge something crazy."

"I really just think I'll try the Ambien."

"Not from me you won't."

"Come on. Be a friend?"

"Not a cool thing to want me to do, I promise."

"Oh, well. Figured I'd try. See you around?"

"I guess. Sure. Let me know if you want to grab coffee sometime."

"I don't think so."