Gas

"Doc, I'm here because I've been having a lot of gas."

"For how long?"

"About twenty years."

................................."And what made you decide to come in today?"

"I don't know."

"Okay."

"The gas is really terrible. I've been fired from a number of jobs because of it."

"Because of the gas?"

"Yes. Every time I stand up, I pass gas. People hear it. They know it's me."

"And they fire you?"

"Yes. My friends tell me too. Everyone. It's terrible."

"And it's been going on for twenty years?"

"Yes."

"And you've never sought help?"

"No."

"Have you tried any home remedies?"

"I drink tea."

"Any special kind of tea?"

"No, just tea."

"Have you tried changing your diet? Avoiding gassy foods, like beans, or dairy?"

"No."

"Why don't we try some dietary modifications before we look too much further. I'll run some labs, but since it's been going on for so long, I don't expect it's anything acute going on. What if you avoided all dairy products for a little while, and we see if that makes a difference?"

"Even ice cream?"

"Yes."

"No, I'd rather not."

"So you don't want to figure out what's causing the gas?"

"Not if I can't eat what I want to eat."

"Okay. Thanks for coming in today. It was nice to meet you."