* * Anonymous Doc

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Patient Note -- J. Doe

Patient has been here for 187 days and shows no signs of change. Building on the observation in note 184, it does in fact seem like patient believes that every day is Tuesday. Patient continues to complain that there is not enough variety in the hospital menu, but this complaint is unlikely to abate as he proceeds through his 13th rotation of the two-week menu cycle. Patient is continuing to recover from infection which developed on day 174, which was a result of the medication given to aid recovery from infection which developed on day 159, which was caused by the catheter needed while patient was being treated for infection which developed on day 132, which was caused by bedsores that developed while patient was in recovery from infection developed on day 119, which was caused by parasite that may or may not have been introduced to patient by his hospital roommate, who has also yet to be discharged. Patient was last intubated on day 104, extubated on day 105, intubated on day 106, extubated on 107, intubated on day 108, and may have swallowed the intubation equipment, resulting in a prolonged stay. Patient's first hundred days were marked by seventeen infections, fourteen procedures, and one new grandchild. These second hundred days have been less eventful. The third hundred days promise to be thrilling. Resident to write next note on this patient tomorrow, or when circumstances dictate.

6 comments:

  1. Brilliant. I really LOL'd reading this one. Some great commentary underneath the humor here.

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  2. There was rumours of a patient in my hospital who was with the internal medicine service for upwards of 200 days. Apparently, to write the discharge note, the attending actually had to call back a few of the residents who were not on service then, and they got together one evening and did a team dictation (with a celebratory bottle of wine after finishing)

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  3. Holy shit. I was in a hospital for 4 days once and I nearly went crazy (I also nearly got thrown out -- for escaping to the coffee shop across the street). If I was in a hospital for 200+ days. Someone just kill me already.

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  4. Shockingly, I recently met a patient like that who was discharged from the hospital and had resumed a normal life (taking care of her young kids, working). I was shocked to see that such a thing was possible.

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  5. We have a few of those on our teaching service....including one who recently passed his 1000 day mark. ;)

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  6. That's a bitch of a discharge summary...

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