Anonymous Doctor

Patient Note -- J. Doe

Patient has been here for 187 days and shows no signs of change. Building on the observation in note 184, it does in fact seem like patient believes that every day is Tuesday. Patient continues to complain that there is not enough variety in the hospital menu, but this complaint is unlikely to abate as he proceeds through his 13th rotation of the two-week menu cycle. Patient is continuing to recover from infection which developed on day 174, which was a result of the medication given to aid recovery from infection which developed on day 159, which was caused by the catheter needed while patient was being treated for infection which developed on day 132, which was caused by bedsores that developed while patient was in recovery from infection developed on day 119, which was caused by parasite that may or may not have been introduced to patient by his hospital roommate, who has also yet to be discharged. Patient was last intubated on day 104, extubated on day 105, intubated on day 106, extubated on 107, intubated on day 108, and may have swallowed the intubation equipment, resulting in a prolonged stay. Patient's first hundred days were marked by seventeen infections, fourteen procedures, and one new grandchild. These second hundred days have been less eventful. The third hundred days promise to be thrilling. Resident to write next note on this patient tomorrow, or when circumstances dictate.