"Yes, of course I know him!"

"Did you know there's a cockroach in the bathroom?" asks the intern on with me tonight.

"Of course I know him!  We're pals."

"Pals?"

"Yeah, he's been here since I started, at least.  He won't bother you, don't worry."

"He's pretty scary looking."

"Not as scary looking as some of the patients."

"That's true.  Still, I don't like him."

"Come on, he's harmless.  And the bathroom on 12 is cleaner anyway, so I just use that one and let him have this one."

"That kinda sucks, having to go downstairs to use the bathroom."

"It's nothing-- I also sleep in a chair because I don't want to kick the spiders out of the cot."

"There are spiders in the cot?"

"Lots of 'em.  Also a patient told me he saw a mouse."

"A mouse?"

"He also told me it's 1874, so I'm not sure whether to trust him or not."

"At least if he thinks it's 1874, it's probably not so awful for there to be a mouse crawling around.  I assume they didn't have exterminators back then."

"We don't have exterminators now."

"Not here, but I mean in normal places."

"I should ask him what life is like in 1874."

"You should ask him quickly.  I was coming to tell you his BP is 80s over 50s."

"You should have probably led with that."

"I got distracted by the cockroach."

"Yeah, he likes to distract people.  It's all a game to him."

"Are you getting enough sleep?"

"Decidedly not."

"You want me to lead any codes we have to run tonight?"

"I can't think of anything that would make me happier."

"You're really looking forward to being a fellow, aren't you?"

"I am."

"Any advice for making it through two more years of this?"

"Blame things on your interns."

"Gotcha."

"No, I'm serious.  I screw anything up tonight, it's your fault."

"Um, 80s over 50s... what should we do?"

"I already forgot you just said that.  Wow, I really should try and get some sleep."

"No, seriously, I don't know what to do for the guy."

"Call the ICU attending and have him take a look, let's try and get him transferred.  He shouldn't be on the regular floors.  How about we try and get everyone transferred and then we go home?  I think that should be our plan."

"So, call the ICU attending...?"

"Yeah.  Or ask our cockroach friend.  He clearly has the secret to staying alive in this hospital.  He's outlasted just about all of my patients."