Anonymous Doctor

A selection of recent e-mails to the residents list:

I'm writing in the hope that someone who isn't scheduled on Christmas Day might be able to switch with me. I made plans to visit my family, thinking that I would be able to find someone to take my shift, but so far I have not been able to find anyone, and my flight is non-refundable.

The shift is an overnight call in the intensive care unit, from 7AM on the 24th until 10AM on the 25th.

I know that's a long shift, but I am willing to pay you back with either a matching shift later in the year, or two long-call day shifts, depending on what you are scheduled for when I have vacation in April. If you are willing to take my shift, but would rather have money than shift coverage, I would be willing to pay up to $50.

My patients right now are pretty stable (except for one, but he probably won't make it to the holiday), although obviously I don't know what the situation will be later in the week. I've been able to nap for most of the night, the past three nights, so hopefully you would be also.

Please let me know if you can take the shift.

You do realize $50 is equivalent to less than $2/hour, right?

Aren't we not supposed to switch ICU shifts after what happened a few months ago? The whole point of the overnight shifts is for continuity of care.

Yeah, well, I already booked the ticket, so I figure continuity of care is just something that I think is worth sacrificing in this case. And if you don't want the $50, you can take the shift coverage, like I said. If someone's really desperate and wants to take advantage of my situation, I guess I'd pay $75. But in the spirit of the holiday, I thought someone might be willing to help me out!

Why did you book a flight when you knew you were scheduled to work?

You know, for people who are too busy to take my shift, you all have an awful lot of time to send e-mails about this. You don't have to be mean about it -- I was just asking!

You were asking if you could pay us $2/hour to do your work for you -- ON A HOLIDAY! I think we're entitled to be mean about it. And you do realize you're doing something wrong if you have time to nap when you're working in the ICU, right?

Maybe I'm just more efficient than you.

Anyone who's tempted to take [name] up on her offer, I'll pay you $51 not to, just so she has to miss Christmas.