"Okay, that's fine, let's go down the list and I can give you prescriptions."
"[drug]"
"Great."
"[drug]"
"Great."
"[drug]"
"Great."
"Percocet."
"Wait, why is she taking percocet?"
"Her last doctor prescribed and just kept refilling."
"How long ago?"
"Years, I think."
"How many is she taking?"
"I don't know. She doesn't have any left."
"How often is she taking Percocet? I don't think she needs to be taking Percocet."
"Just in case. When she has pain. She's barely taking any."
"I think we should try and not have her taking Percocet."
"She doesn't take them, okay?"
"Then you don't need the refill. What's next?"
"You can't just give her some in case?"
"You just said she's not taking them."
"Yeah, but sometimes I'll take them."
"What's the next drug on the list?"
"Just a few Percocet, in case of an emergency?"
"Look, I'm pretending I didn't hear what you said, because you're not my patient, and I'm not prescribing your mother this drug. We can make this a bigger issue, or we can just move on to the next drug."
"Okay. [drug]"
"Great."
"[drug]"
"Great."
"Oxycodone."
"Okay, I'm going to go get my attending. Give me a minute. Thanks."
Wow, that's pretty ballsy. Drug seekers are the worst. Whenever they call my husband for refills they usually just hang up as soon as he says he won't prescribe them over the phone.
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