Prostheses by Phone

"I wanted to know if you had the phone number of the prosthesis place."

"What place?"

"I wanted to order one."

"That's not how it works.  You need to talk to your surgeon, and he'll connect you with the people who can fit you for the prothesis, and do the training and rehab you'll need...."

"I thought I just call a number."

"And they send you a leg in the mail?"

"Yeah.  I thought maybe they'd want to know my height, so I was going to ask you to measure me."

"It's more complicated than that."

"So if I go to my nephew's wedding this weekend, I probably won't be able to walk?"

"No."

"Oh.  I didn't want everyone to know I had to have my leg amputated."

"Unfortunately, it's a longer process than that.  They're going to know."

"Could I maybe get a fake prosthesis, and just pretend it's real?"

"A fake fake leg?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"I wouldn't know where to send you for that.  Maybe a costume shop?  But you're still going to need the wheelchair."

"I can't just get a pair of crutches or something?"

"I don't think you'll be able to maneuver on them without a lot of physical therapy."

"I have a couple of hours free tomorrow."

"No, it's a longer process than that."

"And will insurance cover something like this?"

"The therapy?  It should."

"No, the costume shop."

"No."

"What if you write a note?"

"I don't think so.  Sorry."

"Do you think a costume shop would deliver?"

"I really don't know."

"Do I need a referral?"

"No."

"Maybe my surgeon can give me a spare leg he has in the office?"

"I guess you could ask."

"Great, thanks."