"I called you, doctor. I called your office three times and you didn't call me back."
"I don't have an office. I don't know who you called."
"The main desk. They connected me, but the phone just kept ringing. That's no way to treat your patients."
"I don't know where they connected you. I'm a resident. I have a pager, but I don't have an office, I don't have a desk, and I don't have an assistant. I'm sorry. I can't be reached on the phone by patients. That's just how the system works."
"But I called three times!"
"It doesn't matter if you called a hundred times. I can't be reached that way. You need to ask the nurse to page me. I told you that yesterday."
"I expect to be able to speak to my doctor at my convenience."
"And that's just not possible in a hospital setting. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? Well, I'm leaving."
"You're not in a condition to be released."
"I'm leaving anyway."
"Can I at least get you to sign some paperwork that you're leaving against medical advice?"
"Medical advice? Medical advice is exactly what I wanted, but you didn't answer your phone. Goodbye, and I hope I never see you again."
and all I can think is... YAY, ONE LESS PATIENT ON MY SERVICE!