Anonymous Doctor

"So, I'm looking in the chart-- we said you'd bring in a stool sample this time?"

The patient opens up his backpack, pulls out a paper bag, tries to hand it to me. I put my hands up, take a step back.

"No, no, we'll give that to the tech-- the specimen cup is in the bag?"

He gives me a blank look.

"What?"

"The specimen cup is in the bag-- the cup with the sample in it."

"Oh, you gave me a cup?"

"Last time, we gave you a cup."

"I must have forgot."

"So what's in the bag?"

"My stool."

"Just in the bag, plain?"

"Yes."

"And you carried this in your backpack?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I'm going to get the tech. Next time, just a little bit, in the sample cup. Not the whole thing, not lying in a paper bag. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay."