Hard day. We lost a patient I'd come to really feel connected to. It's not that it was completely unexpected, but it was unexpected it would happen in the hospital, and certainly that it would happen today. We wanted to get him home. We thought we were going to be able to get him home, and we couldn't. Too many issues, one on top of the next, and it all went downhill very quickly. I'm beating myself up over things I could have done differently, but intellectually I know it was a losing battle, I know that even in a best-case scenario it was a difference of days, and maybe not even. I'm not cut out for inpatient care. It's one thing to know a patient is dying, or to know a patient has died. It's another thing to quite literally watch them die. To see the numbers on the monitor, to see the patient's pH dropping, to see the patient's very last breath.
As they wheeled him out of the room, I overheard the wife of the man in the other bed talking to her husband.
"They're moving him out. Now you'll get the window."