"Hmmm. That's a good question."

An elderly woman and her husband come to see me.  She's the patient.

ME: "So what brings you in today?"

WIFE: "Oh, we thought we were going to see my husband's doctor."

ME: "You come to this clinic too?  Who's your doctor?"

HUSBAND: "I don't know."

WIFE: "We've never been here before."

HUSBAND: "No, I think we have once."

WIFE: "No.  I don't know.  Wait, is this my appointment or yours?"

HUSBAND: "Mine.  No.  Yours."

ME: "So, the two of you live alone?"

WIFE: "No, we're married."

ME: "Yes, I meant do you have an aide who helps you?"

HUSBAND: "No, we're okay."

ME: "And what brings you in today?"

WIFE: "It's cold."

ME: "The weather?"

WIFE: "No.  In here."

ME: "Okay.  What medical problem brings you in?"

HUSBAND: "I'm not sure.  I think we had an appointment."

ME: "Okay.  Do you remember why you made the appointment?"

WIFE: "I was in the hospital."

ME: "Oh, recently?"

WIFE: "No, I don't think so."

ME: "Okay, no one lives with you to help you?"

HUSBAND: "No."

ME: "And what did the two of you do for a living?"

HUSBAND: "I was born here."

WIFE: "I'm not having a good memory day."

ME: "Do you know what medications you take?"

WIFE: "I think the pharmacy would know."

ME: "Which pharmacy do you use?"

HUSBAND: "I can't remember the name.  Can you?"

WIFE: "I'm not sure.  Maybe I have their card."

ME: "I'm just trying to figure out what brings you here today.  Do you have any pain?"

WIFE: "No."

HUSBAND: "I have some pain in my back sometimes."

ME: "Okay, but your wife is my patient."

HUSBAND: "Oh, sorry.  I forgot."

ME: "It's okay.  Do you mind if I ask both of you to draw a clock on a piece of paper?"

WIFE: "Should I start with the box?"

ME: "What box?"

WIFE: "The box for the clock."

ME: "If it's okay, I'm going to bring a social worker in.  I think there may be some services we can help arrange so you have some help around the house.  Do you find that you get confused at home?"

HUSBAND: "I don't know."

WIFE: "Sometimes when I'm on the toilet, he looks for me and can't find me."

HUSBAND: "When you're on the toilet, right?"

ME: "Do you mind if I listen to you breathe?"

HUSBAND: "No."

ME: "I was talking to your wife, because she's the patient right now."

HUSBAND: "Sorry, I forgot."

WIFE: "Did we come here to see you, or did you come here to see us?"

ME: "Do either of you know what year it is?"

WIFE: "This isn't a good day for me."

HUSBAND: "It's 19-something, right?"

ME: "I'm going to get the social worker and will be right back."

WIFE: "And then you'll check us in?"

ME: "Check you in where?"

WIFE: "I don't know."

HUSBAND: "She doesn't know."

ME: "Okay.  Great."