I've been sitting on this post longer than I meant to. Twitter user H.C. sent me a tweet a bunch of days ago asking if I had an opinion about last week's Dear Prudence column on Slate. The column featured a letter from a resident asking about how to deal with passive-aggressive nurses. Her answer was to be nice, ask what you can do better, and perhaps make them some brownies.
A couple of times in the past, I've taken some criticism in the comments when I've written about nurses, criticism that was probably deserved. Nurses have a hard, largely thankless job. So do residents, but it's different. What nurses have to do requires a different skill set, and it's a skill set that doesn't get a lot of respect.
But I think the question was a little much, and Prudence's advice was a little much, too.
I don't think nurses have it out to get residents. This resident sounds like she's having a rough time. Her nurses are out for her, her program director is out for her, she's crying every day... I think she probably needs to talk someone more qualified to help her than an online advice columnist, as much as I like Slate and as much as I like much of the Internet....
But if there is an actual problem, I don't know that it's solved by being fake-nice and bringing people food. Bring them food, sure, I guess, but the problem isn't that nurses want something from her. The problem is that people who work in hospitals-- doctors, nurses, everyone else-- have a long list of things to do, and it's easy to seem brusque or rude when you're stressed, or even if you're not.
Also, just personally-- I don't actually want to eat any food that someone brings into the hospital, because the hospital is dirty, and once someone touches a brownie on that plate, I don't know if their hands were clean, or what else has touched these brownies, and so I don't want one. And I definitely don't want to have to feel like I'm being rude if I don't take one, or have to make up an excuse that doesn't make me sound crazy. So maybe instead of brownies, she can bring something individually packaged, that you don't have to eat with your hands. Like a banana.
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I agree. I've gone the brownie route and it doesn't work.
ReplyDeleteSo how do you eat your bananas if you don't use your hands? :)
ReplyDeleteOh God no brownies please.
ReplyDeleteYou're right. The hospital is a brusque place, and it's possible she's overreacting to that.
Unfortunately, she may also be *acting* like that, and while, as a resident, you're supposed to have a thick skin and take it, many people will get their noses out of joint if you act that way yourself. Just look at all the people who commented that she was probably acting like she thought she was better than everyone else.
Therefore, a little "fake" nice (as long it doesn't come across that way) can go a long way and make you juuuuust likable enough.
A friend sent me that article. It seems like she was an intern and the nurses who have been working there (probably since before she had been alive) weren't giving her the "respect" that she though she deserved, but which she hadn't actually earned yet.
ReplyDeleteI had to learn to "suck up" to the nurses. Asking their opinion on patients (certain things they really really know: If Mr. So and So "Just doesn't look right" or which family member is the best to talk to etc), helping them out with my patients when I could (doing dressings changes if I wasn't in the OR and then cleaning up after myself! etc). Talking to the charge nurses. Doing rounds on the wards right after shift change when I was on call (so that they could get their questions answered AND so they didn't page me on stupid Orders clarifications).
Look to the nurses as co-workers who deserve equal respect, and treat people how you want to be treated. Yeah, they may not share the liability that we do, but they want to see their patients do well and leave the hospital as much as we do.
I disagree with nursing being such poor profession, not respected enough etc. Engineers makes what nurses make. Engineers battle job instability - two neighbours with engineer husbunds tell me their husbunds change jobs eveyr 1-2 years, moving across the country to just have that one year of paychecks, then jobless again while their wives and kids are alone thousands of miles away. Nurses have great job security, can find jobs anywhere, can take as little or as many shifts. Noone's job is considered full time if you show up just 3 days a week. My friend reared her chidlren working full time nurse Fri, Sat Sun nights for decades. And her kids are thriving since she tutored them relentlessly, drilled discipline into them and was "always there" for all insiginficant activities. I do not have this luxary at all. My family has struggled with unreliable freqeuntly changing caregivers for years. I cannot find shift work, or reduce to part time. I could not find job at all when I mentioned I want 30-32h work week. Nurses in this country make more than nurses in most other countries while having flexibility and secirity. MD jobs often have contracts renewable every 1-2 years. And let me tell you my firends see either salary or benefit decline with each contract renewal or serious change in job structure where you are tied up to that job more than ever and cannot easily leave. Working with nurses or any subordinates is a skill. The above poster is right, good work etichs will earn you respect.
ReplyDeleteYou are equating job security and the benefits of the job with respect. They are very different. I came from a male dominated field and changed to nursing. I was initially shocked with the lack of respect in the profession. The only departments where I found that nurses are afforded some respect is in the ICU/ER area of care. Otherwise, a nurse is treated as a glorified ass wiper. Sad.
DeleteThe Slate link does not exist anymore, does anyone mind posting the contents of the link if they still have it?
ReplyDeleteIt's still there, at the bottom. It's the last letter of the bunch.
DeleteProbably one of my favorite entries. Very fair, and honest, the same way that girl should approach the nursing staff. That last line made me laugh though!....."Like a banana". HA!
ReplyDeleteStarbucks gift cards. They can buy their own brownie or coffee or whatever and not eat/drink in the hospital.
ReplyDeleteI'm a nurse. We don't want your brownies.
ReplyDelete