* * Anonymous Doc: I Want The Extra Strong Multivitamins

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I Want The Extra Strong Multivitamins

"...I also need a prescription for the extra strong multivitamins."

"Excuse me-- the what?"

"The extra strong multivitamins.  Not the ones you get over the counter.  The prescription strength."

"I'm sorry, sir-- I'm not aware of any such thing.  If you want a vitamin, just buy one over the counter."

"Don't even pretend to tell me the over the counter ones are as good as the real thing."

"Those are the real thing."

"I'm willing to pay-- up to $150 a month for the good vitamins."

"Vitamins should not cost you that much."

"The pharmacist was giving me the good ones, for $150 a month.  I just need a new prescription."

"Wait, the pharmacist was selling you some kind of vitamin for $150 a month?"

"Yeah-- they were helping, too.  I don't want to have to go back to the regular kind."

"Sir, your pharmacist is either a drug dealer or a scam artist.  He's stealing your money.  I don't know what he's selling you, but if it's vitamins, he is ripping you off."

"No, not my pharmacist.  Stop giving me the run-around."

"I'm not.  What's the phone number of your pharmacy?  I'll give them a call."


"Hi, I'm Dr. __________, calling about a patient of mine, Mr. ___________.  He's asking me for some kind of prescription, telling me you're selling him vitamins for $150/month.  What are you selling him?"

"What do you mean?"

"What are you charging him $150/month for?  I know what vitamins cost."

"No, I don't think you understand how many vitamins he's buying."

"How many vitamins is he buying?"

"150 dollars worth."

"So, hundreds and hundreds of vitamins every month."

"Yes.  I get them from the back.  He doesn't like the ones on the shelf.  Same kind, I just get the bottles from the back room."

"So he's crazy."

"Yes.  Just write him some bogus prescription and I'll take care of it."

"I don't want him wasting his money."

"Well, I'm not just going to give him the vitamins for free."


"Okay, I'm going to write you a prescription, but these are really strong, and you can only take 1 a day, okay?"

"Wow, they must be good."

"Yep.  And, even better, a hundred of them should only cost you like ten bucks.  If they cost more, tell the pharmacist to give me a call and I'll give him the information about the discount code.  Don't let him charge you $150.  You get my special $10 rate."

"Oh, great.  Thanks, doc."



  1. Oh, for Pete's sake. Can't be the best use of your time and energy!!

  2. Sometimes you have to be creative in this field.

  3. Very clever. Now I want to be a better doctor.

  4. It's like dealing with a child.

  5. it is so much fun to be a doc, o∩_∩o

  6. Are people really that stupid?

    Did this guy's parents have any children that lived?


  7. It's true. Perception is half of medicine!! You might like the related satire post, "Revolutionary Remedy for refractory drug seeking."

    Thanks for sharing your stories!!!

  8. It has been documented the more you pay for a placebo the more it works.

    More Expensive Placebos Bring More Relief
    Published: March 5, 2008

  9. From pharmacist perspective: Can't tell you how often I tell patients they don't NEED a crap load of vitamins. Really, a decent multivitamin is all most folks need, maybe some extra iron or calcium depending on your age. I cannot believe this pharmacist would really 'quackerize' him/herself by convincing the patient a particular brand of vitamins is the cat's meow. That's what the clerks at GNC are for, after all.

    I also truly detest brand-name-only pre-natal vitamin prescriptions, especially when MediCaid is the payor for over $100 worth of vitamins a month or the poor woman who has insurance that covers them for a $40 co-pay. The old generic Citracal PreNatal vitamin was great because it had Dulcolax(stool softener - pregnant women get constipated) in it, but alas, that is no more. The ever re-formulated OB Complete/DHA/ONE just needs to be stopped. I also see OB's write pre-natal vitamins for patients over 50 that really could do just as well with generic Women's One-a-Day's for a fraction of the cost.

  10. OMG, that sounds just like my lunatic uncle.

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