* * Anonymous Doc: The Urine Sample.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

The Urine Sample.

Clinic patient comes in with a plastic bag.

"I brought you a urine sample."

"What?  In the bag?"

"No."

"Okay, good."

"It's in a glass.  The glass is in the bag."

"A glass?"

"Yeah."

"We give you sterile collection cups when we need to take a urine sample.  Which, incidentally, I have no idea yet-- you may or may not need a urine sample, depending on what's going on with you."

"Well, I brought it just in case."

"We need the collection cups to be sterile.  You can't just use a cup from home."

"No, it's not from home.  It's from a restaurant."

"Uh... still... it needs to be sterile."

"It's sterile.  They said it came from the dishwasher."

"That doesn't mean it's sterile.  Wait... you went into a restaurant and asked for a clean glass for a urine sample?"

"No, of course not.  They wouldn't have just given me a glass.  I took it."

"I would say you should stop by on the way home and give it back, but I'm not sure they'd want it now."

"No-- and they're not open today anyway."

"Wait, what?  When is this urine sample from?"

"I don't know, two, three weeks ago.  I brought it to my last appointment but the other doctor didn't want it."

"You know they're not good forever.  Bacteria gets in.  Bacteria that was already in there grows.  This is not a good urine sample, for so many, so many, so many reasons."

"So you're saying I should bring it home again?"

"No.  I'm saying you should dump it!"

"But it's a nice glass!"

6 comments:

  1. Delightful posts and YouTube Videos. The mock website is also an enjoyable excursion - edgy and dark but with an unsettling amount of truth beneath. Congratulations on completing residency; I hope that you managed to use any funds left for the cafeteria and to collect the extra lidocaine bottles, guiac cards, and spare Ensure cans that you will undoubtedly be needing in your post-residency life.

    As a side-note (completely devoid of any hint of self-promotion), the satire publication, Daily Medical Examiner, is now online and you might enjoy some of our posts.
    -the Daily Medical Examiner (medexaminer.wordpress.com)

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  2. OMG, my doc is so lucky, she can always get fresh & warm urine from me which is also in a sterile collection cup.
    all right, it is gross, lol, but you start it!!!

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  3. Do you enjoy your job at all? Do you even like being a doctor? You kind of seem to be mocking your patients a lot for their ignorance or how much of what you do sucks, or I don't know, that's just the vibe I'm getting. Do you have any stories or encounters that positively affected you, that make you feel like it was worth becoming a physician?

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  4. to Anonymous complaint . Its comedy. All comedy must have something to laugh at, must have a "butt of the joke" rarely would it be the doctor.

    “All comedy is based on man’s delight in man’s inhumanity to man” Al Capp

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  5. Idiot. They walk amongst us on a daily basis. As a HUC, I see that daily.

    ReplyDelete