"Are you sure you want to be admitted?"

Because you can still leave.

If you leave now, there won't be any risk we'll keep you in here until you die.

If you leave now, no one will start poking around in your insides, looking for problems.

If you leave now, no one will ask you about whether you're an organ donor, and whether you'd like us to do everything possible if you stop breathing, or just do a little bit.

If you leave now, you can keep all of your limbs.

If you leave now, you don't have to worry about catching an infection-- and there are lots of infections here.

If you leave now, you won't get a bill.

If you leave now, I bet you can get a good spot at the walk-in clinic for tomorrow, where you can take care of your problem as an outpatient and don't have to deal with being trapped in a tiny room with limited channels on the TV.

If you leave now, I'll give you a $5 gift card to the cafeteria that's been sitting in my wallet for the past eighteen months.

If you leave now, you will almost definitely not get hepatitis from tainted blood products, at least not today.

If you leave now, no one will mix you up with another patient and take you in for a surgical procedure you don't need.

If you leave now, you won't be exposed to any excess radiation.

If you leave now, the government won't confiscate everything you own in order to pay your medical bills.

If you leave now, you can have a lollipop.  Or a sticker.  Or a box of latex gloves.  Or as many little bottles of hand sanitizer as you want.

If you leave now, your orifices will stay completely unprobed.

If you leave now, I don't have to do your admission-- which means I can go to sleep!

So please leave.

Thanks.