Anonymous Doctor

Patient comes in, 75 years old, trouble breathing. Not her first time here, so I'm looking through her chart, trying to get a quick history...

"I see you were here a couple of months ago."

"Was I?"

"That's what it says in the chart."

"Oh, okay."

"Do you not remember being in the hospital?"

"I don't know."

"Okay. I just want to ask you a couple of silly questions, if that's okay."

"Sure."

"Do you know what year it is?"

"Two hundred and eleven."

"Oh, okay. Okay. Do you know the month?"

"November."

"Look out the window. What season is it?"

"Winter."

"Okay. Do you know who the President is?"

"Can you give me a hint? What does it start with?"

"O."

"O. Hmmmm. This is a hard one. O'Neill... O'Malley... O'Brien... O... Obama."

"Yes. Yes, you're right. Can you tell me what medications you take?"

"Oh, can you just start naming some and I'll tell you?"

"How about I name the ones in your chart, that you're supposed to be taking, and you tell me if you think you take them. Aspirin?"

"I don't know."

"Plavix..."

"What?"

"Plavix?"

"I never heard that word."

"Who do you live with?"

"My sister."

"Do you mind if I call your sister?"

"I don't think I know her number."

"Her number is probably the same as your number, right?"

"Oh, is it?"

"I'm going to call her."

I call the sister.

"I'm calling about your sister. She's in the hospital."

"My sister?"

"Yes. She lives with you?"

"No, no, I haven't seen my sister in a long time."

"She lives at the same address as you."

"I don't know."

"I'm sorry, can I ask you a couple of silly questions? Do you know what year it is?"

"Nineteen seventy-three."

"And what month is it?"

"Winter."

"And you and your sister live alone?"

"Who?"

...I think I'm going to need a social worker to come help with this one...