* * Anonymous Doc

Saturday, July 3, 2010

So I'm on overnight last night, and finally get to lay down for some sleep in the resident call room.

4 AM.

The door opens.

I wake up, startled.

There's a lab tech standing over me.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, doctor. I didn't realize anyone was in here."

"How did you even get in? The door's locked."

"Oh, I have a trick."

"I really need to get back to sleep."

"Yeah, I'm so sorry."

And then a young woman, dressed for anything but a night in the hospital, peeks her head in the doorway.

"Yeah, we're sorry."

Who the heck she is, at this point I have no idea.

I try to go back to sleep.

Two minutes later, I hear noise in the room next door, which is the patient food preparation area. Some trays clanging, I don't know. I try to ignore it.

And then I hear the lab tech and the woman.

Uh, having a good time.

In the patient food prep room.

"No, no one can hear us," I hear him say.

"You sure it's okay?" she asks.

"Yeah, no one cares."

Sure, except the resident trying to sleep in the room next door. With the paper-thin walls.

For fifteen minutes I hear them. And the food trays. Every movement, every sound.

"Ew, don't put my underwear on that," she says.

Finally, they finish up.

And, finally, I fall back asleep. Was this is nightmare, or did it really happen?

"Did you see a lab tech and some girl go into the food prep room at four in the morning?" I ask a nurse.

"Oh, yeah, he does that all the time," she says.

"Why doesn't someone report him?"

"Oh, no, it's the most fun we have all night."


  1. You sould talk to him dude thats not cool this is a hospital so dont do that again

  2. I swear, these same two people show up in every late night work place all over the world. I've overheard them in newspaper offices, military instillations, 24 hour restaurants (the walk in freezer!) and answering service phone banks. They are always surprised that someone is already in the back room sleeping. They always think no one can hear them. They always think no one can see them. They are simultaneously in every city in the world that has anything open in the wee hours of the morning.

    All the pounding on the ceilings and odd sounds echoing through the chimneys and walls. It's like Santa Claus, except without the reindeer.