You Can Take My Personal Information And Stick It Where The Sun Don't Shine

"Doc, your 2:30 clinic patient is here...."

"Great, I'll come get him in a second."

"Just one problem."

"Yeah?"

"He won't fill out the forms."

"Can he read?"

"He says he doesn't want to give us his personal information."

"Like, his name and address?"

"Yeah.  And his insurance information.  You can't see him unless we are able to put his information into the system."

"So you want me to talk to him?"

"If you don't mind."

****

"Mr. Jackson, I'm [Anon Doc].  You made a 2:30 appointment?"

"Yeah, I don't feel well."

"The woman at the desk is telling me you won't give her your insurance card."

"I don't want you people knowing all my information."

"We just need the insurance information so that we get paid."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't know what you think we're doing with your insurance information, but if we can't bill your insurance company then we have to bill you directly.  And for that we need your address."

"I'm not giving you that either."

"Then I don't think I'm allowed to see you as a patient here -- you'll have to go to the emergency room and let them take a look."

"The wait's too long."

"I don't have a great solution for you.  What is your medical problem, just so I know?"

"I'm not telling you that either."

"What was your reason for making an appointment?"

"That's none of your business."

"But I'm the doctor.  It's hard to help you if you won't tell me what's wrong."

"Forget it.  I'm leaving."

"Okay, well, if whatever it is gets worse, you should go to the emergency room and they can help you."

"Screw you."