"Hey, [Mr. Hospital Patient], the nurse paged me and said you needed to talk urgently?"
"Yeah. You lost my glasses and my iPhone."
"I never had your glasses or your iPhone. What happened?"
"I went for an x-ray, and the nurse said she was putting my glasses and my iPhone in my bag and locking them up. I came back and they unlocked the bag-- and they're missing."
"Wow, I'm sorry. But I'm not sure I'm the right person to talk to. You should ask the nurse who locked them up. Maybe they're in another bag."
"That nurse is at lunch. This other nurse said there's nothing else locked up. So I think that nurse stole them."
"I'm not sure why anyone would want to steal your glasses. And I'm sure if a nurse said she was locking up your iPhone, she wouldn't steal it."
"Well, you owe me a new iPhone."
"Let's try and talk to the nurse first and find out what happened. Can I see the bag?"
"Why? So you can steal something else? My dentures are in there."
"Okay, I don't want your dentures. I just want to make sure nothing's hiding at the bottom of the bag."
"You think I'm crazy? Of course I looked through the whole bag before I told them to page you. I didn't want to waste your time."
"But let's just make sure. Since you pulled me out of rounds anyway, I may as well be thorough with the search."
"They're not in there."
"Okay, but let's just make sure."
[He hands me the bag. I feel the bag for a moment. I find a side pocket, unzip the zipper, and pull out his glasses and his phone... which is not an iPhone.]
"I think I found your glasses... and this cell phone. Although it's not an iPhone...."
"Uh, yeah, that's my phone."
"You said you had an iPhone."
"I just figured if you guys were going to get me a new phone anyway, I may as well get an iPhone."
"Okay, I'm going to go back to rounds now. I'll check in on you tomorrow."