* * Anonymous Doc

Friday, December 16, 2011

Through the translator phone:

"Doctor, I don't know why I am here."

"You had an appointment. You made this appointment because...?"

"My kidneys."

"You have a problem with your kidneys?"

"Yes. I had a pain in my chest area."

"Okay, that's not your kidneys."

"I went to Mr. Wong. He gave me a kidney medicine."

"Is Mr. Wong a doctor? What medicine did he give you? How did he determine it was a problem with your kidneys?"

"I don't know. All of those questions, I don't know."

"Did Mr. Wong have a business card?"

"No. He is not a business. He is just Mr. Wong."

"And you don't know what he gave you?"


"Was it a pill?"

"I don't remember."

"Was it something you swallowed, something you drank, something you rubbed on your body?"

"I don't remember."

"Where was Mr. Wong's office?"

"Not an office. On the street."

"Great. Do you remember where?"

"Not really."

"And he told you the pain in your chest was your kidneys?"


"Did he do any kind of test to make that guess?"

"He looked at my front area."

"Your front area?"

"He looked at my body."

"On the street?"


"And the pain, you still have it?"

"Usually no."

"But sometimes?"


"Okay, I'm going to do a physical exam and then run a few tests to see if we can figure out what's going on. But I don't see any reason to believe it's your kidneys, and I think you should avoid listening to people on the street and taking whatever kind of medication they might give you or recommend you take, okay?"

"He said it was my kidneys."

"I'm going to run some tests and we'll see what's going on."

[Postscript: Kidney cancer. Amazing. Who is this Mr. Wong and is he covered by my insurance?]


  1. This is amazing :-) I love your blog. I wish my patients were as funny as yours.