* * Anonymous Doc

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

"So I just want to do a quick history. Have you had any medical problems in the past?"

"Just seasonal allergies."

"Great. Do you take anything for that?"

"I used to take Claritin but not since my stroke."

"You had a stroke?"

"Yeah, a couple of years ago. I still have some left-side weakness from that, and some cognitive difficulties."

"And you stopped taking the Claritin because..."

"My oncologist switched all of my medications."

"You have an oncologist? So you've had cancer?"

"Yep. Breast cancer. Three years ago. Did chemotherapy and radiation. Which wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. It was a lot better than for the brain tumor."

"You had a brain tumor?"

"I did. It was an incidental finding while I was undergoing electroshock therapy for depression."

"And the depression is currently..."

"Being managed by medication. And largely held in check except for when my chronic pain symptoms flare up."

"Chronic pain in your..."

"Fingers and toes."

"Before we get any further into your history-- because this seems like a very extensive collection of issues, and I'm guessing perhaps we haven't even covered them all-- why don't I ask what you're here for specifically today."

"Genital warts."

"Okay. So I think we're going to skip the rest of the history."


  1. Funny.. Hilarious.. Really well written.. New to your blog! Excellent blog.. Looking forth to your next post.. :-)

  2. Sorry for the two year delay in comment, but I just had to share:

    "Can you tell me about your health?"
    "I've been doing well."
    "I'm glad to hear. I see that one of your legs has been amputated recently. Can you tell me why?"
    "I stubbed my toe in the garden, and it wouldn't heal. It got infected, and they had to amputate."
    "Okay. And why didn't it heal?"
    "I have chronic kidney disease."
    "Okay. Have you had any other surgeries or illnesses in the past?"
    "I see you have a scar on your chest. Did you perhaps have surgery there?"
    "Oh yeah, that's from my triple bypass three years ago."
    "Do you have diabetes?"