Anonymous Doctor

I'm FREE!

Well, sort of.

Not that being a resident will be a piece of cake, but INTERN YEAR IS OVER.

And that means I'm no longer at the bottom of the totem pole.

No more progress notes. No more discharge notes. No more seventy-five-item to-do list after rounds. No more calling the family to arrange a family meeting. No more chasing down the specialists for a consult. No more answering fifty nurse pages a night.

I mean, there'll be some of all of that stuff, still. But it won't be the bulk of my day. As an intern, that's basically all you do. You're a medical secretary and taskmaster. As a resident, there's more thinking, there's more delegating, there's more interaction with the attending and coming up with the plan instead of just executing it. And, yes, there's more responsibility, but there are still fellows and attendings and other residents there to help. It doesn't all fall on your shoulders, and yet you're not completely disempowered to do anything. That's not a word, is it? Disempowered? It should be.

I feel a lot more capable than a year ago. And I feel like I know how to be a decent resident. The residents I've worked best with have been the kind who trusted the interns to get their work done and didn't micromanage. Who were there to help but didn't get in the way. Who didn't make you feel terrible if you messed up, or like you didn't even want to tell them if something was going wrong. The residents who knew when they were handing off too much, and took some of it on themselves. The ones who remembered what intern year was like.

I can do all of that. I think. I hope.

My new interns start tomorrow. It'll be a long day, I'm sure-- teaching them the computer system, etc, while getting to know a whole new set of patients at the same time. It's like the first day of school, except since it comes one day after the last day of school, there's not really any time to get excited.

I have a story to share from today-- a sad, crazy one-- but it'll have to wait. I'm treating myself to a reward for getting through this year without killing anyone (including myself). I'm going to spend more than $15 on dinner. Probably more than $25, and maybe even more than $35, which is a crazy splurge for me. Sushi. Unfortunately, sushi by myself, but at least I'm trying. One year down, two to go. I can do it? I can do it.