Anonymous Doctor

I wonder what a paper clip tastes like.

Maybe one of my patients can tell me.

We have a guy with a swallowing problem. He swallows things. Or so he says. Metal clips, plastic cutlery (apparently he breaks them in half), bottle caps. But last week he was faking seizures, so who knows. The x-ray didn't show anything, so we're not sure what to think. So we are trying to prevent any of the things he may or may not have swallowed from perforating his intestines, until we can figure out if he's actually swallowing things, or he's just making up a story so he can get attention. Psych ward, or medical ward? These are the burning questions.

The good news is I think another one of my patients might be his perfect match. She says she can't walk. Except she can. She hadn't left her apartment in weeks before her son called 911 to bring her to the hospital. Why did she need to come to the hospital? Can't walk. Except she can. When we make her walk, she walks fine. Then she goes back into the bed and says she can't walk. Called a psych consult, they said she's okay. She's not okay. She's crazy.

So much crazy in the hospital. Hard to avoid. And when the patients aren't crazy, the families are crazy. At least I have half a weekend!