"One of your patients kept asking where you went on vacation and why doctors are allowed to take vacation when their patients are sick. He called every day asking the same question."
Anyway... my first patient back in clinic:
"My body is leaking."
"You know, where I pee. But it's not pee."
"Is it blood?"
"Oh, no, definitely not-- wait, are white blood cells clear? Because maybe it's those."
"No, it's clear?"
"Then I think it's probably urine."
"No, my urine is more of a brownish."
"It's not yellow?"
"Well, I guess you could call it yellow."
"I think you're leaking urine. Let me send you to a urologist. Does this happen often?"
"Usually after I shower."
"Are you drying yourself off?"
"Are you sure this isn't just water from the shower?"
"Okay, why don't you try drying that area better and see if there is still wetness. If so, I'll have you see a urologist."
"Thanks, doc. You know, this only started when you were out on vacation. I tried calling and I got some other doctor I didn't know."
"Okay. I'll see you in six weeks."