"Please leave a message..."

I call a patient and get her answering machine:

"You have reached [name].  You can leave a message but you must speak very loud and very slow.  I do not hear well, so you need to talk very clear.  You can spell things, but I do not spell well, so I may not understand.  You should also call back when I am here, since sometimes I forget to check the machine.  If this is my daughter, I can't hear you when you call from the car.  Everyone should wait for the machine to do a beep.  Thank you for calling."

I left a message, but I guess I'll probably try her again tomorrow.