"I'm calling from [False Superlative] Home Care Agency about your patient, Mr. Homebound. We're trying to arrange the appropriate services."
"Great, I'm happy to send you over whatever records you need."
"We had a few questions. Is he able to walk at all? We were told he's able to take a few steps."
"No, he has not been able to walk ever since they had to amputate his leg below the knee."
"Oh, the amputation wasn't mentioned by the patient. It just says here he had surgery for an infection in that leg and that it was removed."
"Yes, it was removed. Amputated."
"Oh, we were under the impression that the infection was removed, not the leg."
"Okay, glad I could correct you."
"Also, is the patient able to answer questions?"
"What do you mean?"
"How is his mental functioning?"
"He's fine. He's physically limited, but mentally he's fine."
"You're sure. No dementia at all?"
"No, no dementia."
"Not even a little?"
"That's really too bad. He would qualify for so many more services if he was demented. It's really a shame he isn't demented."
"I don't imagine his family feels that way."
"No, they want as many services as he can qualify for. And he would get more if you were able to say he was demented, even a little bit. So, if you don't mind, I'll ask you again. Is he demented?"
"Maybe a little forgetful? Could we say forgetful?"
"No. What did you say the name of your agency was?"
"[False Superlative] Home Care Agency."
"And your name specifically?"
"Oh, I'd rather not give that out. If we can just continue. I'm going to write down that you're not sure about his mental status."
"No, I am sure. I saw him three days ago as an inpatient, and he is not suffering from dementia."
"I'll have someone do an evaluation."
"I'm just going to have the assistant here fax you the records, okay?"
"Well, I was also hoping you could call in a few prescriptions for supplies."
"What supplies does he need?"
"Gauze. Tape. Oxycodone."
"Mr. Homebound is not on oxycodone."
"But in case he needs it for the pain."
"Nope. I'm faxing you the records. Goodbye."